Swimming in the river has been a daily respite for me.
A few days ago I posted a photo on social media with the caption “Life is an evolution, not a race. You’re exactly where you need to be here and now”. Recently it felt right to repost it with an updated message. Not that I don’t firmly believe that life is not a race, and that we’re all exactly where we need to be, but there are a lot of vague inspirational one-liners and quotes in the online spiritual new age world that can feel unrelatable. The elaboration is that you can know that you’re where you need to be and that everything is unfolding the way it needs to while also experiencing loss and overwhelm.
Life has felt relentless for me these past six weeks- between a breakup, the death of a family member, chronic pain management, needing to move across the country 6 weeks earlier than expected, finding housing, and a few others.
Not fighting your life experience creates more peace, but being on the right path doesn’t mean that there are never any more difficult days. There is a limbo period when you’ve decided to bravely up and leave a life that is no longer for you but you’re not yet in your new one that can be really f**king lonely (Martha Beck refers to the experience as the empty elevator syndrome, for anyone who’s interested and wants further information).
All of the feelings can (and probably will) surface- depression, fear, doubt, extreme resistance. It might be excruciating for a while, but it is so much easier and worthwhile in the long run to follow what feels right rather than to force yourself into a life that no longer fits.