Hello

“A blog sounds very therapeutic. I’ll definitely start one. Well, as soon as I’m more 'enlightened’, and therefore have more to offer. Also when I’ve lost enough weight. And when I’m a more eloquent writer”.
I only wanted to write about overeating and my life from a place of reflection. Once it was all “over”. The wiser, future me felt so much more qualified…surely people would rather listen to her.
Part of why I resisted “recovery” for so long is that I knew that it would so much bigger than just getting rid of an eating disorder. The causes of this are deeply rooted in my subconscious, stretching as far back as I can remember. Unearthing them, really getting to the roots of the matter, would mean a commitment to a life-long, ever-expanding personal evolution. How could I fathom embarking on such a journey when I could barely manage to get up off the floor of my room, or make it through breakfast without uncontrollably eating two pints of ice cream from the freezer?
More on that to come- for now, having accepted that there will be no end date, no before and after, it seems like a perfect time for me to begin. Not enlightened. Not at my natural weight. I am discovering, through what feels like endless trial and error, how to properly meet my needs. The process is so much messier than I’d like it to be. Some days I fall flat on my face, and need help getting back up again. It has only been through the acceptance that I don’t know everything (and relinquishment of the need to) that I’m finally beginning to learn. I’ve decided to share my experiences not from a place of righteousness, but because when I was feeling helpless and ashamed I didn’t want science based tips or tricks- I wanted to know that I was not alone.