Relief In the Unknown

2 months until test results…??
There I was, sleeping 12 hours a day, waking up tired and unfocused. Unable to formulate cohesive thoughts, feeling like neither my mind nor body were working properly. It was unsettling and disorientating, even scary at times. After investing in an alternative gut and health doctor, I was informed that no “answers” would available for at least two months. Was I stuck being a zombie until then?
I could have continued in the same vein that had kept me running in circles the last two years and attempt to “figure everything out”. Figure out the ultimate way to eat, my career, where I needed to live. But after having recently realized that I was still operating under diet mentality’s influence (and subsequently working to unravel it), I knew that there was, in fact, another option available. So rather than seeing it as an enemy to be evaded and avoided whenever possible, I relaxed into not knowing. 
While I continue to experience symptoms, the sheer relief of relinquishing the impossible need to know everything has acted as its own profound medicine. Life has opened. Letting go is so different from giving up. It’s like performing an energetic trust fall with the universe; impossible without having the faith that you will be held, and that what you need to know will come when you are ready.
It’s not our fault that we spend so much time living and scheming in the nonexistent future. When intense sensations and emotions are present in the body it can be really overwhelming, and it feels so much safer to leave the body and live in the head instead. Trying to solve the discomfort with our minds It gives us a feeling of control. But no matter how hard we run on our mental hamster wheel, there are aspects of our experience that simply cannot be understood in the mental realm, and trying to only leaves us frustrated. When we step out of our frenetic thought loops and let ourselves be guided we remember that we are a facet of a larger, infinitely mysterious whole. And when we realize how futile trying to constantly plan and predict the future is, we are finally liberated to enjoy what is available to us in the here and now.